Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

evil Randy once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research

Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult

July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".

What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks

For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed.

Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi.

Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

wow...you really looked into that, didn't you? haha :)

OMG Randy, where the hell did you come up with this shit? I think I'm stealing a few for email signature lines..

www.chucknorrisfacts.com

what the hell is it with sailors and chuck norris!!! all the shipmates at my barracks say some if not all of those on a daily basis. i find it funny but ireally want to know what the deal is!

http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/1792.html